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CELESTE, 26o594
MGS,

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Designer: nic9 6ole
Inspiration: one two

Saturday, September 12, 2009 @ 11:05 AM

its time. to put the pieces back together. back together.

its so scary. today i actually had the notion of dying.

giving up. committing suicide. OMG.

yes. i mean, its not the first time i have such awful

thoughts but it is the first time that i've actually gone

to imagine how it is like to jump off the window for real!!

yes i really stood by the kitchen window and stared out.

and down. feeling really emo but obviously wouldnt just

jump off rashly. helps that im not tall.

looking down at the ground then reminded me of the pain

of hitting the ground. like that article i read few days ago

online. the suicide pact. so freaky. the pair jumped off at

night and i remembered distinctly that the rest of the

friends went down to find him writhing in pain and he

died shortly after (dont rmb if he was about to be sent for

treatment).

life is scary. life is.. life is everything and anything you say it is.

you choose the way you want to be, your actions and thoughts

determine your life. no matter how many circles the blame

you tried to shuffle has gone round people, things, or whatever,

all the blame always goes back to you in the end. its like that.

we have to face it, take the blame, accept the way things are

and resign to fate. only then can we move on. hmm.

there is no escape, while you're on earth, is there?

no matter what you try. sure. drugs. poison. glue sniffing. cutting

youself. sleeping to remove recognition. whatever you do, it will all come

to an end. it has to. and then everything will start falling on you again.

so why not get up sooner and pick up the pieces?

today i realised that faith only comes with success.

so i guess sometimes its no wonder the broken remains broken.

its not their fault.

what is there to hold on to? failure blinds. believing is tough when

nothing ever stays. nothing is consistent, reliable.

perhaps life is up to us to make whatever out of it. it is ours

to live anyway. we all know that it is only ideal to make the

best out of it, but sometimes this thinking hinders us from

progress when we fall short of it. causing us to fall deeper into

the hole. what is meant to build you can also be the one that

breaks you. hmm.

the options seem to be there but also not really there.

what do we have?

i tried to fix the jigsaw puzzle but could never find the right

pieces again. why, they seem to be ever-changing..

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